How to Find Love Again After Heartbreak

Merriam-Webster defines love in many ways but as it pertains to this article I think we can agree this is the best definition: An attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.

The loss of true love can be unbearable pain, making it hard to move forward or meet new people. You might be feeling betrayed, ashamed, insecure, and embarrassed for putting your heart on your sleeve only to lose the only person that truly mattered to you.

Intimate relationships can be complicated because each of us has a different love language based on our own unmet needs. Finding love in a healthy way is an inside job that requires a certain amount of accountability.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as instant gratification after a breakup or no new person that can cure a broken heart. Navigating the emotional wreckage we are left with after a breakup isn’t fun.

Is It Possible To Find Love After Heartbreak?

The simple answer is YES! Finding love after heartbreak is absolutely possible but just not the way you might be thinking.

What if we told you, you don’t have to go through the whole online dating phase, go on a bunch of first dates with random people, attend some divorced singles seminar to meet people, or even call up old friends so you can distract yourself?

Great things start to happen when we start putting ourselves first. When we take accountability for our needs and desires and observe our thoughts. This is how you will find love again by raising your level of consciousness. Listen to your body feel the pain, sit with the sadness, and realize you are not your feelings.

If you want to start dating again, stop looking in all the wrong places. In order to find someone who you feel a deep connection, compatibility, and trust with, you must learn how to be that for yourself. A Romantic relationship is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

How Do I Regain My Lost Love Relationship?

Imagine love is a mirror, and this mirror serves as a reflection of the way you think and feel as well as the way you project your past relationship and subconscious experiences out into the universe.

Meaning one of the main problems that people have when they want to find new love or rekindle with a partner after a breakup is that they are looking at the outside to forget their past relationships while staying stuck in a superficial dating phase before addressing their true feelings.

This happens consciously and unconsciously based on how self-aware a person is of their emotions. For example, the difference between loneliness and being alone. Being alone is a state of being, while loneliness is a feeling. Confident people can be alone without feeling lonely even in a healthy relationship.

Try to refocus all the time you spend dwelling over your lost love and rekindle new relationships with yourself, friends, family, and loved ones.

There may be times when you need to talk to someone like an outsider who will listen to you and get the words off your chest. If you think it will help, talk to a relationship coach for at least one hour a week while you cope with the breakup’s early stages.

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1. Heal Past Relationships

Terri Orbuch Ph.D. explains that codependency is the emotional attachment to a person, place, or thing that makes you feel certain elevated emotions. Even if it’s bad for you or toxic, you still experience temporary pleasure or relief but suffer negative consequences in the long term.

If you are depending on a person, place, or thing to make you feel good then you will lack the self-confidence to give yourself the love, nurture, and attention that would make you even more magnetic by just being you after a breakup.

Looking into the mirror is a metaphor for how you look to the outside world for reassurance and feedback. Once you realize your external environment is an indicator of the internal dialogue, you are having with yourself, you begin to notice how disconnected you are from your feelings. This is being projected and reflected on you through your experiences or a new relationship.

If you are looking for your external world to change, i.e., the type of relationships you have with the people you date or attract into your life– then the same as when you look into a mirror, you have to be the one to change your expression first before you actually see the change.

Thus, you must first be what you want to attract, and if you are not attracting what you want, it is because there is still something inside you that hasn’t shifted – yet.

To find love after a breakup, look internally at your reflection of yourself. How do you really feel about yourself?

If you are lacking something in your intimate relationships, turn the mirror back to you and reflect on what is lacking inside you.

Do you believe that you are loveable? Do you believe you don’t have to do anything and people will just be attracted to and love you just for being you? Not a projected version of what you think they would like to see or hear.

The challenge people face is that they are waiting for the mirror to change first (something in the external environment).

Typically this is when we catch ourselves saying, “It’s so hard to find someone,” or “I can’t find someone trustworthy.” The reason why it’s so hard is that you don’t recognize your value.

2. True Love & New Opportunities

The first book I ever read by Dr. David Hawkins (The Map of Consciousness Explained) illustrates the different levels of consciousness. If you refer to the chart here, notice words such as shame, fear, and anger. These emotions are on the lower spectrum of the scale of consciousness.

These lower vibrations indicate that a person is stuck in the past and unconsciously repeating the same toxic patterns that are causing them long-term pain and suffering.

Good things start to manifest as a person raises their consciousness. They go up the emotional ladder in the scale of consciousness to more independent states of being, such as courage, willingness, reason, and love.

Notice on the scale of consciousness how Reason (the intellect of the mind) is the emotional level under Love. Therefore, the only way to move forward and rise to the vibration of love one must transcend the way in which one understands and interprets reason. How?

3. Intimate Relationships

Different reasons, meanings, and limiting beliefs hold us back from finding love. When it comes to finding love again, many of us are stuck inside a box that we’ve created as far back as our childhood, and these emotions, whether we are aware of them or not, feel familiar.

The emotional familiarity begins to unconsciously become soft-wired into your neural patterns, and after a long enough period of time, your traumas go into autopilot.

This emotional state causes the continuous manifestation that shapes your current reality and it affects your daily life without you even being aware of it!   The unconscious words you tell yourself really matter.

Many times, people have trouble finding love because they unconsciously manifest the same feelings that attract people with similar emotional patterns from their childhood.

Those feelings feel safe and familiar. For example, many of us may have felt emotionally or physically abandoned at some point in our lives.

Therefore, when we start reliving that type of unavailability, it feels normal not to have our needs met. The unconscious words and meaning you give to that specific situation will constantly be reflected back to you, even if you’re in a new relationship.

Thus, reaffirming the initial beliefs of familiar emotions of people not being emotionally or physically available. This creates the limiting belief of “I’m not worthy,” causing you to lose hope and making it much more difficult to find love with someone who is emotionally available.

4. Fall in Love For The Right Reasons

Perhaps you repeatedly experience heartbreak in relationships or think it is difficult to find love again because you thought you could fix all your ex’s problems.

If I “do” something (or say something) then it proves to my ex-partner how much I care and love them. The if-then trap of proving your self-worth.

By assuming you have to do something or help someone fix something in their life, you’re insinuating (unconsciously) that you think there is something wrong with them. Meaning you may get your sense of value or self-worth by fixing people.

If you could fix them, then that person will love you the way you want to be loved, however, this is conditional love. One or both of you must “do” something to make the other feel loved or happy.

Many of us are replaying the familiar patterns of emotions we experienced when dating. If we had parents that were physically or emotionally unavailable, then we’ll continue to attract that type of partner into our lives until we become more self-aware of our patterns.

5. A Healthier Relationship & New Skills

Through self-reflection, we can be more consciously aware of how we feel by how we respond to a situation or person.

Most people are just trying to do their best the only way they know how and once we stop trying to control the past in the present moment we have transcended our reason for forgiveness.

Also, we need to forgive our parents if they were unavailable to comfort us or didn’t make us feel heard and seen. Most likely, they never intentionally wanted to hurt us. However, even though they did, we have the power to change that painful story.

The more we reflect more self-aware we become. The more self-aware we become the more connected we are to ourselves. The more connected we are to ourselves and our emotions we understand the reason why we must forgive ourselves and those who we believe caused us heartbreak because those who aren’t aware lack the reason to accept what is.

6. A Fresh Start & New Beginning

Another way we block a new relationship is by being too picky – the longer the checklist and the more things you need to fall into place will determine how you feel and the new (or old pattern) person you will attract.

You might still be guarded or repeating old trauma patterns that are closing you off from what someone new has to offer. Stop trying to control the order and outcome of a relationship because you have lost hope.

The checklist is the unconscious belief that ensures that you are not going to open your heart or give anyone a chance. Keeping you in familiar emotions impedes new opportunities and people from entering your life. The more hypercritical we are of other people, the more we are going to feel that being reflected back to us.

The universe is a very giving, abundant place that feeds off the energy you put into it. Start trusting yourself and the process and allow it to give you all you desire in life.

7. The Best Long-Term Relationship

When you take accountability, you no longer expect the reflection in the mirror to change because you become the change you wanted to see and the love you wanted to find.

When you become the love you want to attract through self-awareness, letting go of your old trauma patterns, practicing forgiveness, releasing lower vibrational emotions of fear, shame, or guilt, realizing it’s not your fault, and your parents’ unavailability wasn’t your fault – they were doing their best the only way they knew how at that time.

Your heartbreak will subside the moment you become aware of the fact that you hold the power within you. Taking accountability releases you from the person or situation that you unconsciously assumed had power over you.

Having healthy boundaries with yourself and creating healthy boundaries with others will make you feel more confident, courageous, and willing to go after what it is you’re passionate about.

Once you make the conscious choice to become the love you are trying to find out there, that is when everything will begin to change and you will find love again even after heartbreak!

Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., famously coined the “Love Doctor” is the author of six books, including: “5 Simple Steps To Take Your Marriage From Good To Great” and “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps To a New and Happy Relationship.” In addition, she is also a distinguished professor at Oakland University, and a research professor at the University of Michigan, Institute for Social Research, bringing her simple, straightforward, science-based relationship advice to her audiences.

David R. Hawkins, MD., Ph.D., is a widely known authority within the fields of consciousness research and spirituality. He has written and taught from the unique perspective of an experienced clinician, scientist, and by the mystics of the human mind, unaided, pushing the boundaries of misconceptions that are intrinsically incapable of discerning truth from falsehood. To learn more about Dr. David Hawkins we also strongly recommend reading one if not all of his many life-changing books.

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